Have You Ever Been Mum-Shamed? Here's what to remind yourself.
September 14th, 2017
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Even at the best of times I have all the parenting confidence of a meerkat on Prozac, being pursued by an eagle, which is radioing a hyena to tell it grubs up...
In other words I tend to be heavy on the self doubt when it comes to mummy skills.
In spite of miraculously raising two happy, healthy children to whom I know in my heart are more than satisfied with my parenting skills, I still find myself putting myself down or excusing my parenting choices amongst other mums.
Fortunately I have a fantastic group of friends who, despite all having different approaches to different aspects, all support and respect each other (and more importantly supply each other with chocolate cake). That's why this notion of "mum shaming" really riles me.
We all have enough mum guilt of our own without being belittled by fellow mums. Parenting is hard enough (yet without doubt totally wonderful) without having to do it under the watchful glare of 'haters'. So when I feel the stress of having a supermarket toddler meltdown and then find someone multiplying that pressure with a dollop of mum shaming I really have do ask myself why I even give a flying flea (my child is currently in the parroting phase so 'flying fleas' and 'pile of crayolas' are popular pseudonyms run my house).
Mum Shaming comes in various forms, each guaranteed to leave you quaking in your playdoh troden boots and asking yourself why you're so sucky at everything.
First there's the Passive Agressive mum shamer "Oh, you let your child drink juice. Gideon just drinks water, tripled filtered from the Tibetian mountains."
The Viciously Muttering mum shamer "Someones got a bit of a temper, bet she's used to getting her own way".
The Patronising 'actions speak louder than words' mum shamer (eyes roll dramatically when I mention that I cuddle my son to sleep each night).
And finally the Never Had Kids Aggressive mum shamer "Can't you keep that kid quiet?
Whatever Mum Shamer you are unlikely enough to encounter (and there will doubtless be one) tell yourself this:
They don't know me. They don't know what an amazing job I do. They don't see the sacrifices, the selflessness, the determination, the pride, the adoration and the love I put into raising my children. Let them judge me on this one screamathon in the middle of town incident, my kids will judge me on the rest and they will be satisfied.
They will be happy.
They will be loved.
In other words I tend to be heavy on the self doubt when it comes to mummy skills.
In spite of miraculously raising two happy, healthy children to whom I know in my heart are more than satisfied with my parenting skills, I still find myself putting myself down or excusing my parenting choices amongst other mums.
Fortunately I have a fantastic group of friends who, despite all having different approaches to different aspects, all support and respect each other (and more importantly supply each other with chocolate cake). That's why this notion of "mum shaming" really riles me.
We all have enough mum guilt of our own without being belittled by fellow mums. Parenting is hard enough (yet without doubt totally wonderful) without having to do it under the watchful glare of 'haters'. So when I feel the stress of having a supermarket toddler meltdown and then find someone multiplying that pressure with a dollop of mum shaming I really have do ask myself why I even give a flying flea (my child is currently in the parroting phase so 'flying fleas' and 'pile of crayolas' are popular pseudonyms run my house).
Mum Shaming comes in various forms, each guaranteed to leave you quaking in your playdoh troden boots and asking yourself why you're so sucky at everything.
First there's the Passive Agressive mum shamer "Oh, you let your child drink juice. Gideon just drinks water, tripled filtered from the Tibetian mountains."
The Viciously Muttering mum shamer "Someones got a bit of a temper, bet she's used to getting her own way".
The Patronising 'actions speak louder than words' mum shamer (eyes roll dramatically when I mention that I cuddle my son to sleep each night).
And finally the Never Had Kids Aggressive mum shamer "Can't you keep that kid quiet?
Whatever Mum Shamer you are unlikely enough to encounter (and there will doubtless be one) tell yourself this:
They don't know me. They don't know what an amazing job I do. They don't see the sacrifices, the selflessness, the determination, the pride, the adoration and the love I put into raising my children. Let them judge me on this one screamathon in the middle of town incident, my kids will judge me on the rest and they will be satisfied.
They will be happy.
They will be loved.
There will be so many times when you will feel like you have failed, but in they eyes mind and heart of your child, you are SUPERMUM.
Hayley x
